The Revenge of the Exes
by JenFromTheRing
Summary: Ross and Rachel's exes take a scary interest in their wedding... The exes you asked for and some you didn't are in. Ch 14 final
1. Julie

Certain exes are definitely going to appear but if you let me know early enough, I can make your favourite ex appear (but I'm not guaranteeing when).

****

Julie

It was the day Rachel had been looking forward to – ever since Ross proposed. Well it was one of many days she was looking forward to, the wedding most of all, but along the way there were other fun things to do and one of those things was trying on wedding dresses.

The trouble of course, would be to choose one because she was sure to like lots of them. If only she could have more than one. She had heard that Japanese brides had three – at least she thought it was Japanese brides. She didn't know how she was going to narrow it down, they were all so lovely. Maybe she'd need another day of choosing wedding dresses.

It was so nice that Monica and Phoebe felt it was a fun thing to do too. They had each already had their big day but they were happy to relive the excitement and talk about fabrics and beading.

Rachel had had this before of course more than ten years ago but she had been having mixed thoughts during her wedding preparations and hadn't really enjoyed them at all. Anyway, she'd never pick a dress like the one she'd had before. When she looked back she could hardly imagine why she had. Of course her mother had had a lot of say in that choice but she did remember agreeing quite enthusiastically at the time. That Rachel had had so much to learnWell what do you think of this one?' Rachel said, stepping out of the fitting room for Monica and Phoebe to inspect.

I liked the one you had one before better,' Phoebe said.

I don't know,' Monica said, I like this one better.' They both studied the dress carefully, ordering Rachel to turn this way and that.

Try the one with the cut away sleeves and the pearls,' Phoebe said, I'm dying to see you in that one. That's so romantic, it would make you look like a princess.'

Princess Consuela?' Monica asked. Phoebe sighed dreamily.

Princess Rachela.'

There's no such name,' Monica said.

There could be. She could be called anything she wanted. It's her big day. Try it on Rachel,' Phoebe said, I want to see you in it now.'

Okay,' Rachel said. She looked at herself a few more times in the mirror just to be sure. It was so hard to decide. She'd come in with an idea of what she wanted and now she had no idea at all. Instead of narrowing her choices she had expanded them.

Hello,' a familiar voice said, It's Monica and Phoebe and Rachel isn't it?' Rachel had no trouble remembering.

Hi Julie.' Julie, one of her serious rivals. It had been so long since Julie had posed any kind of a problem for Rachel that she could be perfectly relaxed. She noticed that Julie too was in a wedding dress, one that draped itself around the curves of her body. Are you getting married too?'

Yes, on September 18,' Julie smiled.

September 18? That's when I'm getting married,' Rachel said in amazement. Wow, what a coincidence.'

So who are you marrying?'

Someone you know,' Rachel said.

You're marrying Ross.'

Yes,' smiled Rachel.

Well congratulations,' Julie said, I'm very happy for you both.'

And you?' Rachel asked.

I'm marry Matt Burke,' Julie said. None of Rachel, Monica or Phoebe knew who Matt Burke was so they all made murmured, that's nice noises. Julie did not explain who he was and instead asked, So where are you having your wedding?'

I'm having it at the Palace,' Rachel said, Awful name but it's supposed to be great.'

It comes with a catering service. It's the whole thing, wedding and reception in one package,' Monica said. She was the one who had chosen it.

That's really great. We're getting married in a church near my parents' place. How is your place for parking? I assume everyone's going to be driving there?'

It's got its own parking, it's good,' Rachel said.

Are you inviting many people?'

Just close family and friends,' Rachel said, almost apologetic that Julie, who wasn't so bad after all now that she came to think of it, wasn't invited – but then she had a date of her own.

Maybe about a hundred,' Phoebe volunteered. She couldn't stop looking at Julie. In that white dress with her hairstyle she looked like an ancient Egyptian. She imagined for a moment Julie in a lapis lazuli necklace and turquoise shaded eyes.

That's not bad, you don't want it too big,' Julie said. My mother wants mine to be big so now we're going to have to ask people for their invitations at the door to be sure we don't get gate crashers.' Monica felt a tiny niggle as Rachel said,

Oh we wouldn't do anything like that.' Why, thought Monica, was Julie's mother having such a big say? They were all past the age where they needed help from their parents for this kind of thing.

That dress you have on there does look good on you,' Julie said kindly.

Thanks, I'm not sure if I like this one better than the one two dresses ago,' Rachel said, returning to her dilemma.

Well show me,' Julie said. And to Monica and Phoebe's surprise, Julie became a part of the dress committee, almost, Monica thought, as if her own dress didn't matter.


	2. Cyril Smedley

****

Cyril Smedley

The phone is still making that clicky sound,' Monica said to Chandler when he got home. She had only recently got home herself after the wedding dress shopping and had set about putting the house to rights before Chandler brought the twins back from the babysitter, a task that pushed said Julie's weird behaviour. Her mind had been running to other things that needed tidying up, things she couldn't actually do, the phone being one of them.

The phone had been making odd noises ever since it had been repaired after breaking down for no reason. Getting it repaired so quickly, unbelievably quickly was good, but whoever had done it seemed to have left some kind of fault in it and it was annoying her.

It doesn't matter what I do, the noise is still there. It's driving me crazy,' she said to Chandler. Chandler frowned. The twins had been put to bed over an hour before.

We only got that phone fixed last week,' he said.

It works – it hasn't broken down again but I can just hear noises sometimes,' Monica said.

I've never heard any noises,' Chandler said.

You haven't been using the phone so you don't know,' Monica said. But it's sort of faint clicks. They're not there all the time.' Chandler just looked at her. It's hard to describe,' Monica said, But I'm not imagining it. I really can't stand hearing that noise any more.'

I never said you were,' Chandler said.

Well you look at me like you think I'm imagining something,' Monica said.

No, I'm just trying to imagine what it could be. Maybe a fault on the line.'

Maybe,' Monica said. Have a listen now and tell me what you think. I want to complain but I think it's better if you complain than if I do. They'll take you more seriously because you're a man. And I don't want the phone company to say I'm imagining things.' He took the phone and dialled. Hey Ross,' he said.

Hey yourself,' Ross said back cheerfully. What's news?'

I just rang to test the phone.'

How come?'

It's been clicking. We think it might have some kind of fault.' Suddenly Chandler became aware of the faint noise in the background.

Yours too?' Ross asked, So has mine, it's been so annoying. And the man from the phone company fixed it two days ago.'

Your phone broke down too?' Chandler asked.

Yeah, totally. But I didn't even have to complain. Someone from the company came and said that they knew the phone was out because they had had trouble in my area so they were going door to door, checking up on people.' Chandler looked at Monica.

That's funny, that's what happened to us,' Chandler told him.

Not only that, _two_ people had come to fix the phone, the one arriving after the other had done the fixing. No-one had bothered investigating why two had arrived. Monica had said that the second telephone repair man, hardly old enough to drive according to her, had just rolled his eyes at the news that someone had been there before him and said,

They never know what they're doing at head office.' The second telephone repair man had sped away, citing a long list of jobs and a hope that maybe someone had gotten ahead of him on those too.

Amazing,' Ross said to Chandler, That's a good phone company. Except for the clicking.' Chandler rang off and stared at Monica.

He had the exact same trouble we did,' he told her.

The clicking? He doesn't have the same kind of phone as us.'

And, listen to this, the phone repair man who came without being called.'

What, him too?' she confirmed. Chandler nodded.

'They don't even come when they're called, why did they come when they weren't called?' Monica stared back at him.

I called someone,' she said.

Why did they send _two_ people to us?' Chandler asked.

Well that guy, he said it was a mistake, mistakes happen,' Monica said, but she didn't even convince herself. What are you saying Chandler?'

It's just really odd, that Ross and us have had the same thing happen. I just wonder if the company really did send those people out.'

But phone actually did stop working,' Monica said, And I did call someone.'

Yes but why did the phone stop working? And not just our phone, but Ross's phone. And why did we get a second person to come out and fix our phone? Whoever heard of a phone company sending out two people?' Chandler frowned.

Chandler do you think they were bogus?' Monica asked. She thought of the twins immediately. It was an irrational fear because why should they be in danger of anything? But her thoughts went to them first when she became afraid of something. She was feeling afraid now, but of what, she didn't know.

I don't know, but something's not quite right,' Chandler said slowly.

But why? This is too ridiculous.' It was, just too completely and utterly ridiculous.

I know.' That didn't make her feel any better. After a pause he said, Let me ring Rachel.' Rachel hadn't had any clicking. Neither had Phoebe, but both of them had had telephone repairmen turn up to fix suddenly dead phones without having to call the phone company.

He just said that there was a problem in the area and was going door to door. Mike got his ID,' Phoebe said, We haven't checked it out or anything, he just likes to be careful.'

Would you do me a favour and check up on it now?' Chandler asked. Maybe they were onto something.

If I can find it Chandler but why? He fixed the phone for free. I don't want him to come back and say we should have paid a bill,' Phoebe said. I know we should pay our debts but I don't want us to go out of our wayPlease Phoebe just do it,' Chandler said.

Okay okay,' Phoebe said. I'll do it now before I forget.' She had better not forget, Chandler thought grimly and said,

Please ring me back as soon as you find out.'

Phoebe rang back in twenty minutes, just as Chandler was about to call her again. He and Monica had been pacing the room, discussing the problem. This all had to be some kind of coincidence didn't it?

They've never heard of that repair guy. They never sent anyone out to us. They never knew we had a problem,' Phoebe said. That's so weird. It's like this guy was just passing and sensed we had a problem. Although I don't see anything weird about that. People can be sensitive to electrical currents and of course telephone company work would be great for people like that.' All he had to do was find a fake uniform and ID, Chandler thought.

What was his name?'

An odd one, Cyril Smedley,' Phoebe said. Of all the bogus names to pick, why that one?


	3. Bugs

****

Bugs

Chandler still couldn't work out what was going on. He and Monica had stayed up late discussing it the night before. They'd stayed up far too late and hadn't gotten any answers. The only thing they could think of was some kind burglary racket — a very widespread one if it covered the areas they all lived in.

But what do we have to steal? And if we had anything to steal, why wouldn't it have been stolen already?' Monica asked. And, thought Chandler, if it was a widespread racket of some sort, it was still an amazing coincidence it was all of them

He brought up the issue of the telephone noises, nothing more, at work with his workmate Dave. He just wanted to run parts of the story by other people.

The reason for the clicking might be because you've got a bug,' said Dave, his workmate.

Why would anyone want to bug me?' Chandler asked. He wasn't as shocked as he should have been at this suggestion. He knew it was going to be something crazy or outlandish.

Search me. Your ideas aren't that good,' Dave said. He waited for Chandler, the best man in the advertising department to fake a punch at him but nothing happened. Er your ideas are kind of good,' Dave said.

So you think it could be a bug?' Chandler asked.

Well I don't know, I'm not an expert or anything.'

You like reading spy type stuff,' Chandler said. Even now on Dave's desk there was a dog eared thriller.

Well that's like, fiction. I don't know if any of that stuff is true. Writers make up all kinds of things.'

But sometimes they research,' Chandler said, That's why I'm wondering what you know.' Of course now that the possibility had been raised, he knew that he could do the research.

Apparently you can get a noise, if there's a problem with the bug, that's why I thought of it. Some bugs are virtually undetectable though.'

So how would I find out?' Chandler asked.

You really think you've got one?' Dave asked nervously.

I don't know what I've got,' Chandler said. But he was certain that it was something like that. Something that affected him, Ross, Rachel and Phoebe. Something deliberate and purposeful by someone who could get phones to stop working, a fake telephone repairman and bugs. And somewhere to listen.

Suddenly he felt invaded. All those special calls to Monica, overheard by someone. Someone who didn't like him, who didn't like Monica. Who hated them in fact? Who could that possibly be?

So, any ideas?' Chandler asked, demanded, of Dave.

I don't know, you could get the room swept. That's what they do with bugs. I guess there'd be someone in the phone book' Dave looked at him nervously.

They would and they were. He arranged for someone to visit his house, over Monica's protestations of disbelief. Monica was the only one who was disbelieving. The security people he called were almost scarily matter of fact. Secretly he wanted them to tell him that what he suspected was quite impossible but instead they just asked routine questions. Since it drove him crazy to think that anyone could be bugging their home, their practically new home, he insisted on getting it done the same day.

Monica didn't call him back at work so he had assumed that nothing had been found. Overreacting to a chain of coincidence, perhaps but at least they had got a worry out of their minds, so it didn't matter that he'd wasted money getting the sweep done. Dave might think he was nuts but if he settled his own and Monica's worries then he'd put up with that.

Monica face at the door was serious. He kissed her cheek.

Hi honey,' he said, feeling apprehensive.

They found this.' In the palm of her hand lay a small object.

That's a bug?'

That's a bug.'

Where was it?'

Inside the receiver. That man, that imposter just undid it and popped it in,' Monica said.

Was that all they found?' Chandler asked. Monica nodded. So they think they're all gone?'

They're pretty sure —Pretty sure!' Chandler exclaimed.

Don't,' Monica said at the noise.

I'm sorry,' he said, taking her by the shoulders. I just expected that they would find everything.'

They wouldn't give a one hundred percent guarantee. They told me that what they did wouldn't stop someone else replacing the bug.'

But no-one's going to get in,' Chandler said. But the kind of person who could plant a bug could break in. The phone thing had been convenient but it may not have been necessary. Who could be spying on us? All we ever talk about on the phone is the kids,' Chandler said. I can't think anyone is that interested in whether or not they've got a temperature or something.'

It's only that or the wedding,' Monica agreed. Hardly that interesting.' She paused. Although Julie seemed interested.'

She was at the shop when we were getting Rachel's dress. She was really interested.'

So interested that she'd bug our house?' That seemed too weird but _someone_ was bugging them. What if the others have got bugs?'

Maybe we'd better talk to them.'

Not over the phone.'


	4. Rendezvous At Central Perk

****

Rendezvous at Central Perk

They were all at Central Perk nervously drinking coffee. No-one had said anything until the last people, Phoebe and Mike had arrived, looking upset.

We were bugged,' Mike said. They found a bug in the receiver.'

Just like us,' Monica said.

They heard all my conversations,' Phoebe said, upset. Every single one.'

I was bugged too,' Ross said.

So was I,' Rachel said. They all looked at each other. All of their private conversations had been heard by some stranger, some person who didn't like them. It had to be someone who didn't like them — what person who did like them would do that to them? Some of the conversations had been nothing more than an order for pizza but others had been far far more personal.

What do they want?' Phoebe asked.

It's about us,' Chandler said, All of us.'

But what's so special about us?' Phoebe asked. We're all great friends, its true but why would that be interesting to someone else?'

Someone hates us?' Monica suggested.

But why would anyone hate us?' Ross asked. They all reflected for a moment.

You know something else,' Rachel said quietly. They all looked at her. She had been the most shocked of them all. My letters have been opened.'

Your letters!' Ross exclaimed, How could someone open your letters?'

Rach, are you sure?' Monica asked.

I thought I was imagining it,' Rachel said, But when that bug was found I realised it was happening for real.'

How long has this been happening Rach?' Chandler asked, as the rest of them wondered whether their letters had been opened too.

I don't know, but I think it's been going on for a few weeks.'

Rachel, you have to move in with me now,' Ross said.

Is your place going to be any safer?' Rachel said, upset. These people, this person, whoever this is, has been following us everywhere. How do you know they don't open your letters.'

We've told the police,' Chandler said.

What did they say?' Rachel asked. Chandler shrugged.

They said they'll investigate. They can't make any sense of it either,' he said.

Did you tell them about Julie?' Rachel asked.

I mentioned it but they didn't seem that interested,' Chandler said. It's not as though she threatened you girls or anything.' No, each of them reflected, she had just asked lots and lots of questions about the wedding and it wasn't as though the wedding had anything to do with it.

Something else Julie,' Ross said, making them all look at him. No-one's ever heard of Matt Burke. No-one's heard of Julie getting married or even getting close to it, and I've talked to the people who should know, the people who are close to her.' That had been embarrassing for him because he knew that they thought he was asking questions about Julie for another reason. I tried to call her to find out what was going on but she wouldn't return my call.' The next step was to confront her face to face but he was very reluctant to do that.

Maybe she's a bit funny in the head,' Monica said. Some women can get like that you know if they want to get married but can't.' She was making this up as she went along but she wanted it to make some kind of sense. She might be going around all the wedding dress shops, trying on dresses, pretending she's getting married when she isn't.' The others considered it. It didn't sound anything like the Julie they all knew.

They looked around. Rachel took a breath in.

There's Tag.'

What?' They turned to see Tag who was sitting alone. Phoebe was about to say hello when Rachel covered her mouth.

Mmmff!' Phoebe said.

We don't know why he's here,' Monica hissed. Why's he here? He doesn't hang out here any more.'

Well he could' Phoebe tailed off. Suddenly Rachel screamed, again and again. All eyes were on her and Gunther, not needing much of an excuse came running up to see what the matter was. Mike noticed Tag was also watching but that he had no apparent concern. He was just watching, as though gathering informationI can't stand this! Not even Central Perk is safe!' Rachel screamed and pushed her way out of Central Perk. Ross went in pursuit. The others got ready to follow.

What's happened to Rachel?' Gunther asked, worried. Monica said the first thing that came into her head, and she was vaguely sorry about it later.

You put real sugar in her coffee.'


	5. Rendezvous In Central Park

****

Rendezvous in Central Park

'Okay,' Chandler said, to get everyone's attention. They were sitting in Central Park, out of earshot over everyone else. Rachel was huddled on a park bench, Monica on one side and Ross on the other, trying in vain to comfort her. She wasn't crying or shivering but she was looking quite ill. Phoebe and Mike were arm in arm, standing alongside the bench.

Everyone looked up at Chandler, who was standing in front of them all.

'This is where we're going to meet. We're going to meet here at 6 pm every day. That way we don't have to find a way to communicate by phone to say where we're going to meet.' The others nodded.

'What if we get followed?' Mike said.

'I don't think that matters. We can be followed by anyone,' Chandler said as Rachel shivered. 'When we all arrive, we'll move to some other place in the park — I'll choose and you all follow. They can't bug every park bench.' Suddenly Ross got off the bench and started examining the underside.

'You don't even know what you're looking for,' Rachel said.

'Well it's better than nothing. We've got to do something,' Ross said sharply. 'We can't just sit here and let ourselves get bugged.'

'I don't think there could be anything there,' Chandler said, 'No-one knew we were coming here.' Ross had to admit the sense of that and rejoined Rachel.

'So what are we going to do, when we meet?' Phoebe asked. She too was looking pale, leaning against Mike.

'We talk,' Chandler said, 'We tell each other everything weird that's going on.'

'Whatever it is,' Mike said.

'So has anything else been happening?' Chandler asked. They all shook their heads. 'Does anyone think that… this is too way out.'

'We've got the bugs,' Mike said. 'And some weird behaviour, like Julie.'

'And Tag,' Rachel said suddenly. 'He was so weird, not like himself at all. He was just watching. It was creepy.'

'Okay,' Chandler said, 'So what are the common factors here? People?'

'Julie and Tag don't know each other,' Monica said.

'How do you know that?' Chandler challenged.

'Well really do you think they'd have anything to say to each other?' Monica asked.

'Well there's a lot of things we don't know, I don't think we can afford to rule anything out.' Monica looked doubtful. Chandler said. 'Let's leave that angle alone. what about timing?'

'Timing?'

'Yeah, why is whoever it is bugging us and opening letters now? If whoever it was had always found us fascinating then they'd have been doing it all along, right? So there's something about now.'

'Well,' Phoebe said brightly, 'the only thing is the wedding.' Silence fell on the group. Phoebe continued nervously, 'Well that sort of, kind of links in with Julie asking all those questions.' No-one spoke. 'Crazy as it seems that she could be involved in something weird to do with the wedding,' Phoebe added.

'Someone wants to stop the wedding?' Rachel asked in horror. '_Our_ wedding?' Ross gripped her tightly.

'No-one's gonna stop our wedding. I'll find Julie and I'll make her tell what's going on.' His reluctance was gone now.

'What's it got to do with Tag?' Monica asked, 'He's just an ex of Rachel's.'

'Julie is an ex of Ross's,' Chandler said. 'Is that the connection?'

'How could they be in cahoots?' Monica asked.

'I don't know, maybe they're not, maybe Tag's a coincidence, and he's acting weird and staring for some other reason, but Julie has to be our number one suspect for being involved and that means you've got to find her Ross and get her to talk.'

'She'll just say no,' Rachel said. 'She'll deny everything. She'll pretend it's got nothing to do with her.'

'She's gone to a lot of trouble,' Phoebe pointed out. 'Opening letters, getting fake telephone repairmen.'

'Maybe it's not just her, maybe she's doing it with someone else. Tag or — '

'Someone else?' Ross asked. 'One of our exes? But that could be… '

'Lots of people,' supplied Monica. Ross glared at her.

'Oh my God,' Rachel said putting her head in her hands. Chandler gave a start.

'Oh Janice couldn't be involved, she's my crazy ex.'

'She did date Ross for a while.'

'Thanks for reminding me,' Ross said, annoyed.

'So now we know what we're looking for,' Mike said, 'Or at least you do, I don't.'

'Any of Ross or Rachel's exes,' Chandler confirmed.


	6. Charlie

**Charlie**

Ross rang around and found out where Julie was working. He considered making an appointment with her, but decided that he wanted to catch her by surprise. He didn't want to give her any time to get her story right - or wrong. He had told Rachel not to come, although she had pleaded to be allowed along.

On the way there he felt himself becoming angry. What was happening was horrible and cruel. What had he done to deserve this treatment? How could she do this to him? She was supposed to be a mature professional woman and she was messing around stalking them and scaring them. It was unbelievable that she'd go to the trouble of bugging phones, not just his and Rachel's, but everyone's. That must have taken some organisation and it must mean there were others involved, like Chandler suggested.

He walked into the building, looked up Julie's name on the index, and went in search of her office. He knocked on the door and heard her say,

'Come in.' It was a nice office. It was better than his office at the university - she even had a window. He hadn't seen her for more than six years and of course she'd gotten older but she was still the same Julie. 'Ross,' she said, 'This is a surprise.' Ross felt some doubt. Could this really be right? Could Julie really be behind the bugging and the stalking.

'Hi Julie.' He didn't want to sit down.

'How's everything going?' she said, still looking quite mild.

'Fine, fine everything's just fine, really, just fine.'

'Your family?'

'Well, yes, they're well, really well.'

'That's nice,' Julie said, looking at him oddly. 'I'm glad you came to tell me all that.'

'Yeah,' Ross said. He'd come all this way, he had to say something. 'Er Monica said she ran into you recently.' He didn't know why he'd led off with Monica, and not all three girls but he wanted to test her reaction. Julie frowned a little.

'Really? I don't remember that. Perhaps she saw me and I didn't see her.' Julie was lying! Ross felt both sick and more confident. Sick because the conspiracy was looking more real and looking like it involved Julie.

'No Julie, you spoke to her,' Ross said severely.

'I think not,' Julie said.

'My sister says so.'

'Your sister is mistaken.'

'She knows damn well who she spoke to,' Ross said, beginning to shout. 'She was talking to you, and Rachel and Phoebe were there - you were all talking.'

'Oh dear,' Julie said coolly, 'And were you there?'

'No of course not, it was in a bridal dress shop.'

'And what would I be doing in a bridal shop?' Julie mocked.

'You said you were getting married to someone called Matt Burke, who I've never heard of.'

'Neither have I,' Julie said. 'But that makes sense because I never said that.'

'You did! Don't lie to me Julie!'

'My goodness, I'd heard you had an anger management problem a few years back, I had no idea that you still had it.'

'I,' shouted Ross, 'Do. Not. Have. An. Anger. Management. Problem!' The door suddenly opened behind him.

'Julie,' said the man, 'I heard shouting, are you okay?' The man looked at Ross warily.  
'There's nothing wrong!' screamed Ross, 'We are just having a conversation.' The man said,

'I think you'd better go.' Another man came into the room.

'Thanks guys, I have no idea what's going on.'

'Liar!' Ross said. How dare she imply that he was mad?

'Out,' said the second man. Both men started to usher Ross out of the room.

'You haven't heard the last of this Julie,' Ross said, realising that he had no choice but to leave.'

'Making threats?' said the first man, 'Not smart.'

Out on the street, Ross was shaken. She was part of it. She'd lied about the bridal shop. He would never be able to get back into that building to see her again - but what would be the point of that? If he brought Monica, Rachel and Phoebe to confront her, she would just deny it. They couldn't make her talk.

Preoccupied, he walked along the street.

'Hey Ross,' a familiar voice called. Ross spun around and stared at Charlie's friendly smiling face. 'How are you? I haven't seen you in ages. I've been hearing that you're getting married, congratulations.'

'Not you too!' Ross exclaimed. 'You of all people.' The smile fell from Charlie's face.  
'W-What?'

'Don't tell me you're involved!' Ross demanded.

'Involved in what?' Charlie frowned.

'Watching me, watching Rachel.'

'What?' Charlie asked, 'Watching you? What kind of crazy idea is that?'

'Yeah, yeah,' Ross said, 'That's the idea, play innocent. I'm the one who's imaging things, that's very clever, old Ross has an anger management problem so you can't believe him. Tell me Charlie, who's setting this up?'

'I have no idea what you're talking about,' Charlie said, backing off, 'You, Ross, are out of your tree.'

'You have to tell me,' Ross said, intending to take her by the arm and shake the truth out of her. She drove her heel into his ankle.

'Get away from me you nutcase.' She stormed away and Ross was left hopping up and down.


	7. Mark

_AN: Time is running out to make requests for particular exes to come into the story. If there's someone you want to see, then let me know in the review and I will put them in. The ex might not necessarily be 'guilty' - eg Charlie is definitely not guilty. This does not mean that the story is over soon but there's less opportunity to fit people in to the rest of it. The following all have appearances in future chapters: Bonnie, Chloe, Danny, Janice, Emily (apart from the people in this chapter._

**Mark**

Rachel tried to keep her mind on her work but she was finding it difficult. Who would want to spy on them? Well it wasn't a question of finding out who, exactly - there seemed to be so many choices. It would be more to the point to ask who wasn't. She could hardly believe it though.

There was someone else who bothered her. He wasn't an ex, although he'd been accused of being an ex. She'd been seeing a lot of Mark lately. She hadn't minded it at all at first. He'd helped her out a lot in her career, especially after she'd made recent messes.

Ditching Paris at the last minute had been a bad career move, and she was lucky to get somewhere acceptable to work. It had been a shock to her. She knew she was good at her job - maybe not the best, in terms of paperwork, finances, but she had the Eye. She just had no idea how stiff the competition was. Nobody missed her at Ralph Lauren, a sobering thought indeed.

Mark had been checking up on her lately, just to see how she was going in her new job. She avoided complaining about it because she didn't want to sound ungrateful, and besides, it wasn't that bad, and after several months, she knew how much worse it could be. She hadn't told Ross about these catch ups. They were perfectly innocent. It was just about all business talk, but Ross had still not shed his irrational belief that Mark was a threat. She couldn't help feeling the same about Chloe... she shuddered at the thought that she could be involved.

And Emily, yes, she'd hate it if Emily saw Ross, after all, Ross hadn't been the slightest bit drunk when he'd asked her to marry him. Unlike with her and Ross, Emily and Ross had had the perfect, trouble free romance, right up until the wedding. That was why this wedding was suddenly giving her the jitters. You could have a big beautiful wedding and then something could go terribly wrong, and you'd have an awful memory...

Suddenly she saw through the one way glass, Mark coming towards her office. The only way she could afterwards explain what she did next was the jitters. She jumped into the wardrobe of samples that was in the corner of her office. She didn't want to see Mark. She didn't want to have to work out whether or not he was conspiring against her too in some way. She heard a knock.

'Rachel?' Surely he would go away if she didn't answer. Through the gap between the doors she was surprised to see Mark come into her office. Was he going to leave something on the desk for her? Then she heard him say to himself in a low voice, 'What a mess.' It wasn't messy at all! She was just busy.

She stared in horror. He was going through her address book. Next he picked up her mobile phone. How did he know the password? But he seemed to have unlocked it, scrolled through the messages and then relocked it. Then her bag was examined. All of this took a minute and a half and he left the room. It was some time before Rachel emerged from the wardrobe.

At Central Park that evening, at yet another park bench, Rachel was silent as Ross told his story of Julie, and then Charlie.

'Well,' said Monica, 'Maybe Charlie did know nothing.' Ross was full of doubt. He couldn't believe it of Charlie, he really couldn't. She'd tell her husband what he'd done for sure, and there would be consequences. They might not be direct but if it got out that he was unstable - added to what Julie might say, justified or not, and to the period six years ago when he'd divorced Emily... He put his head in his hands. Was he going to get a reputation as mentally unstable? His career was really going to suffer now.

'But Julie was lying,' Phoebe said said. 'I can't believe she had the nerve to deny it to your face. You should have taken one of us. She wouldn't be able to deny it with me or Rachel or Monica there.'

'They'll never let me back in the building now,' Ross said. 'And I know she's guilty. I don't need any more proof.' Monica looked at Rachel.

'What's happening Rachel? You're quiet.' And suddenly everyone noticed that she was silent.

'You haven't said a word,' Chandler said.

'Something happened at work today,' Rachel croaked. Suddenly she was the centre of attention.

'What!' Ross exclaimed.

'Shh!' Monica said, afraid of being overheard.

'I will n - ' Ross began and then more quietly, 'Okay yeah, I know, Rachel, what happened are you okay?' Suddenly Phoebe began to cry and Mike enfolded her in his arms.

'I hate this,' Phoebe sobbed. 'Sorry, I don't mean to cause a scene.'

'You're not, we all hate this,' Monica said. Phoebe got herself under control and said,

'I'm all right, Rachel, you go on.'

'Mark came into my office today,' Rachel said.

'Him?' Ross said. Rachel nodded.

'Calm down Ross,' Chandler said.

Ross gritted his teeth. He'd shouted enough things today and he'd try, really try, to get a grip on himself.

'He's been once or twice before, but this afternoon when he came I hid in the cupboard. I didn't want to see him.'

'That's good.'

'No Ross,' Rachel said. 'I was watching through a crack in the door. He went through my desk'

'What!' they all exploded. 'Through your desk?!'

'Yes. It didn't take him long,' she said. Monica hid a smile, in spite of herself. 'Hey my desk is tidy, sort of.'

'He looked in my diary, and checked my phone messages. He went through my bag.'

'My God, you should have confronted him,' Ross said.

'I didn't know what to do, I mean I was scared,' Rachel said, 'If he's going to do something like that, then what else is he going to do? He might have hurt me.' They were all silent.

'Do you think someone wants to hurt us?' Ross asked in a quiet voice.

'They are hurting us,' Phoebe said. No-one said it but they knew it was Ross and Rachel hurting the most.

They were suddenly aware of the sound of running footsteps. A jogger. But not just any jogger. 'Hey Rach, good to see you,' called the jogger as he passed.

'Who was that?' Mike asked, staring at the retreating back.

'That was Pablo,' Rachel said, and put her head in her hands.


	8. Carol

**Carol**

There was one very important ex, Monica thought, someone no-one had considered. It was crazy to think that Carol would have anything to do with this terrible stalking but if there was a plot, perhaps she'd been approached. Perhaps someone had asked her questions. There was no way that Ross would talk to Carol - not for a second would he consider that she might know anything about the terrible recent events, but someone had to ask.

So she went to see Carol and after opening pleasantries, she brought up the topic of the wedding.

'Yeah,' Carol said, 'I've been trying to work around the dates. Ben's had to cancel a trip away.' Monica hadn't expected a complaint.

'Well it is his father's wedding,' she said.

'I know, but boys aren't really into all that wedding stuff,' Carol said. 'We couldn't reschedule the trip so he's a bit disappointed. There's no chance that the date will change is there?'

'No,' Monica said.

'Good. But Susan and I won't be coming.'

'What? Why not?' Monica asked.

'Well something came up for Susan with her family. Also she's asked me to come, so I'm going too.'

'But,' Monica said, 'It's Ross's wedding.' It was unthinkable that Carol would miss it.

'You can't expect Susan to prioritise that over her family,' Carol said.

'But what about you? And Ben?'

'Ben's going with Jack and Judy,' Carol said, 'As for me, well, I should be with Susan, she needs me.'

'But Ross went to your wedding,' Monica said.

'Yes, and I'm still married,' Carol said. 'This is his fourth wedding. The first I had to be there for, but Monica,' Carol laughed, 'Really, you don't expect me to change my plans for this do you?'

'This marriage is going to last,' Monica insisted, hating the way that Carol's eyebrows twitched ever so slightly.

'I can only hope so. After what he did to that poor British girl and then the mess in Las Vegas, it had better last.' Monica scowled. She didn't like the way Carol was talking about Ross one bit. 'Anyway, was there something you wanted?' Carol asked.

'Well yes,' Monica said, recalled to her mission. 'I was just wanting to know if anyone has been asking you about the wedding.'

'One or two people have.'

'Really?' Monica was now alert.

'They've been wondering what's going to go wrong this time.' Monica shivered.  
'Hopefully nothing.'

'I hope so to. It's about time he settled down,' Carol said.

'What are the names of the people have been asking questions?' Monica asked.

'Why do you want to know? You look anxious.'

'I am. We think someone's trying to stop the wedding.'

'You're kidding me right?' Carol laughed.

'No, I'm serious,' Monica insisted. 'Someone's been bugging us.' Carol laughed again.

'Oh that's too wild, I had no idea it was that bad.'

'It is,' Monica said, mystified by Carol's laughter. This was so far from being funny...

'No, I mean you guys. The world doesn't revolve around you six you know. There are millions of people in New York who couldn't give two hoots about Ross and Rachel's wedding.'

'What?' Monica was horrified. Carol didn't believe her!

'It's getting a bit old,' Carol said. 'I just can't get over how you seem to think it's all so important to other people.'

'It must be if people are bugging us!' Monica exclaimed, but Carol shook her head in pity.

'You're not so bad, but Ross has always been amazingly self centred and he hasn't gotten any better with time.'

'How dare you!' Monica was getting nowhere with this and she decided to go.

'You really need to get a little less involved with each other,' Carol said, 'You're so enmeshed, it's unhealthy.' That was just incredible, Monica thought. Friendship was always healthy!

'I never asked for your opinion,' Monica said. 'I thought you were different!' She had got to the door when Susan came in.

'Hey Monica, good to see you.' Monica, who had been about to storm out hesitated at the door, not wanting to be rude.

'Hi Susan.'

'Guess it's all busy with the wedding,' Susan said breezily. And to Monica's horror she winked.

'You - you - ' Susan was staring at her as though nothing had happened. Monica looked at Carol, who was frowning slightly. She just couldn't bring herself to say anything. As Ross had said about Julie, what difference would it make?


	9. Mona

****

Mona

Rachel was out shopping, trying to take her mind off her worries when she bumped into a woman who was also looking at shoes. She looked, and then looked again. Mona! She was sure it was Mona, the one who had broken up with Ross because she didn't like the fact that Rachel was living with him.

Mona had recognised her too, giving her an up down look. It didn't look as though Mona would say anything though, so Rachel said,

Hi Mona.'

Hi.' Mona's glance took in the engagement ring on her left hand. Oh let me guess, Ross?'

Er yeah,' Rachel said. Mona's voice had sounded unpleasant.

Well at least he's stopped pretending,' Mona said.

He wasn't,' Rachel said.

Oh come on,' Mona said contemptuously. Just how stupid did you guys think I was?'

No-one was trying to trick you Mona,' Rachel said. We were just friends then, that's all. Anything else came later.'

Yeah, I've heard that line was tried on someone else before and she wasn't stupid enough to believe it either.'

What?' Rachel asked. What the hell was she talking about?

The sooner you two are married the better,' Mona said, And if you were both dumped on a remote desert island afterwards, I'm sure a lot of people would be very happy.' What an awful thing to say. Rachel's heart raced. It was alarming to be on the receiving end of something so nasty.

Well let me tell you something,' Rachel said angrily, but Mona had turned her back on her and was walking away. Just because you're jealous,' Rachel called out after her, but the sound of her voice disappeared in the crowd.

Feeling uncomfortable in the store, Rachel walked out and tried to settle herself. Mona. Now there was someone who had resented her relationship with Ross. Of course she was glad that it turned out that there was more between Rachel and Ross than they'd thought at the time, but Mona should have given him the benefit of the doubt. She should have trusted him. Just because things looked a bit strange didn't meant there was something wrong with the situation. She had acted just like Emily.

Rachel had been walking along quite briskly until she thought of Emily. She halted, and then stood to one side to let other pedestrians get past. What would she do if she saw Emily? Oh come on, she chided herself, that was years and years ago. Emily would have moved on. But Julie was from even longer ago, and she seemed to be involved. If anyone was likely to hate her, it would be Emily. But Emily would not be hanging around New York.

The meeting in Central Park took place at the usual time and Rachel, and then Monica gave their reports.

I don't believe it!' Ross exploded, You must have made a mistake.'

I didn't,' Monica said. Do you think I would make up something so horrible?'

Maybe Susan was cracking on to you,' Chandler joked. Monica didn't find it at all funny and scowled.

Oh my God,' Ross said, She's just the type to bust up marriages, she's always doing it.'

Really?' Mike asked.

Not really,' Phoebe said, It was just one marriage.'

My marriage!' Ross exclaimed.

Well you don't care about that now do you,' Phoebe said, Because you're going to marry Rachel. If Susan hadn't come along, none of this would have happened.'

So many things have happened since then. So many people have come into our lives — who else could be involved in all this?' Rachel asked. I mean I even had the thought that Emily might fly over from London, just to get involved.'

Calm down,' Monica said.

But how do you know that's not going to happen?'

Because that would be just crazy.'

But this isn't? Bugging us? What's a transatlantic airfare in the middle of all this. And she had unfinished business — remember that call she made?'

Years ago,' Monica said.

Look guys,' Chandler said, Let's stop thinking about who's involved. We've got no way of knowing and at the moment, we're accusing everybody. I mean if we pass someone on the street, we think they're involved.'

Some of them are,' Rachel said.

Sure,' Chandler said, But how does knowing that help? We haven't got anything on anyone that would help us.'

We could get something on Julie,' Ross glowered.

Maybe. But there seems to be more involved that just her, so getting her isn't going to get everyone else. She's told some pretty bare faced lies, she's just not going to own up to what she's doing and split on everyone else. We should be thinking about making sure the wedding is safe. That seems to be the main thing that whoever they are are interested in.'

He's right,' Monica said, proud of Chandler's thinking.

We get security to make sure everything is okay, and to keep away unwanted guests. I've already done a bit of research,' Chandler said. He pulled out some brochures and they spent the rest of the meeting discussing security.


	10. Bonnie

There are four more chapters after this one. It will be very hard to squeeze in any more exes and they can only have bit parts, as all future roles have been assigned.

****

Bonnie

Well here we are,' Chandler said, So far so good.' Ross looked worried.

We haven't had the wedding yet.'

I know, but I happen to know Rachel's already here, so no-one can stop her getting in the building.' Ross sighed.

Well that's a relief. I just can't stand this. It's all so crazy. How could anyone be trying to stop my marriage? Why would anyone be so mean?' Phoebe was staring.

Look over there.'

Over where?'

Behind that woman in the purple. Isn't that what's her name, oh I can't remember but you know exactly who that is.'

Bonnie,' Ross said dully.

Hey I didn't know Bonnie was invited,' Joey said.

She's not,' Chandler said. None of the exes are invited.'

Charlie was invited,' Phoebe said.

She sent back her invitation the day after she met Ross in the street,' Chandler said.

Oh,' Joey said. You mean she's one of them.' Who ever them' were.

Come on,' Chandler said, We've got to find out what she's here for. Joey you stay with Ross.' Ross looked about to argue. No you stay up here and relax.'

Relax! How can I relax. All these people are following me, and Rachel, bugging our phones, asking questions, how can I relax?'

Just try, you're about to get married. We'll try and figure out what's going on.'

Bonnie, what are you doing here?' Chandler asked.

I've come to see the wedding of course,' she said with a smile.

But you haven't been invited.'

Well that doesn't matter. Anyone who wishes the bridge and groom well should be allowed to watch.' She looked a bit manic.

That's very nice of you.'

So I'll just stay in this seat and watch.'

Bonnie, you have to leave, you're not a guest.'

No let me stay, I want to see.' The other guests were all looking. Ross broke away from Joey and raced down.

Bonnie, I want you to leave now. I didn't invite you and I didn't want you here.'

Ross that's not very nice. I just want to wish you the very best.'

That's very nice but it would be better if you left, please,' he said, feeling edgy. The security guards arrived and Ross and Chandler found themselves staring at Danny and Gavin.

What seems to be the trouble?' Gavin said.

You're not a security guard!' Ross exclaimed. Gavin and Danny looked at each other and each produced identification.

We've changed jobs,' Gavin said.

Now, how can we help you?' Danny asked. Chandler was frowning. This was really weird. But if they were security guards they could do their jobs. Chandler indicated Bonnie.

This lady wasn't invited, would you mind helping her off the premises?'

Certainly sir,' Danny said. The two guards escorted her away, and Ross and Chandler returned to their positions.

How can they be here?' Ross hissed.

I don't know.'

They're not security guards.'

They had the ID,' Chandler said.

I wish I had a security guard to get rid of the security guards,' Ross said. So did Chandler. But it wouldn't be long until the wedding itself, and then they could relax.

Oh my God,' Rachel said. She was being delayed while the guards got rid of Bonnie. Out of sight, all she had known was that Bonnie was there, not that the guards were Danny and Gavin. What's going to happen next?'

It's okay, they'll get rid of her,' Monica said, Don't worry.'

Are we sure there isn't anyone else here that wasn't invited. I don't want to turn around and find someone like Emily staring at me.' That wedding kept preying on her mind.

There is no-one else,' Monica soothed. We've looked.' Rachel took some deep breaths in. Come on, are you ready?'

Yes.' The bridal procession music started and they began to walk.

It wasn't like she'd imagine it would be. She had imagined her wedding to be a wonderful day, surrounded by friends and family, thinking of nothing but each other. They were surrounded by friends and family but also by enemies, unseen. Their thoughts were not on each other but on the threat. She and Ross had spent most of the time looking over their shoulders to see if anyone was sneaking up on them. If either of them had made any mistakes with the vows they wouldn't have noticed, they were too busy worrying about what could ruin things for them.

I'd have thought you could have been a bit more interested,' Ross's father said. I mean I know you've been here three times but it can't have been that boring. I paid a lot of money for this. Again.'

I wasn't bored Dad.'

I was worried for a minute you were going to get the names wrong again.' Would no-one ever let him live that down? But compared to what they feared might happen, that would have been nothing.

There are some people we don't want to see Dad.' Emily was probably on the list of people that hated him, Rachel and maybe the others but at least she hadn't shown up yet. At the thought that she might, he started looking around.

Ha,' his father said, You've left a few messes in your past son. I can't say about Rachel.'

Don't,' Ross warned.

But you — anyway, you're hitched, on with the reception.'


	11. Chloe

****

Chloe

The reception was in full swing and most people were dancing. Monica and Phoebe had had enough for the time being and were sitting at a table. Joey was still on the dance floor, determined to dance with every unattached female — at least the attractive ones. Ross and Rachel had their duties as the newly married couple, and Mike and Chandler were propping up the bar. They didn't seem to notice who was serving drinks. Phoebe and Monica stared in horror.

That's Chloe,' Phoebe said. Chloe was not only serving drinks, she was sampling them.

Another one.' Monica looked around in case she could see any more familiar faces. So many people could have slipped in as waiter or other personnel. Chandler had told her about Gavin and Danny. Monica couldn't see any more.

The wedding's over,' Phoebe said slowly, So what's going on?' The plot didn't make sense if it was about stopping the wedding. They had thought that was the point and they had been relaxingI don't know,' Monica said.

I can't believe there could be more of this,' Phoebe said. How could there be more?'

We've got to find out what's going on. It's no use just getting her thrown out.'

Okay,' Phoebe nodded. Monica thought.

I'll get Chandler and Joey. There's a room just before the ladies. In five minutes can you send Chloe down that way. Tell her there's someone asking for her. She'd believe that.'

Either that will work or she'll need to go to the ladies, from the way she's drinking,' Phoebe said.

They waited until Chloe passed the doorway. Joey and Chandler leapt out, grabbed an arm each and dragged her into the room. They pushed her down onto a chair.

Oh this is so sudden!' she said. It's customary to ask first. You could get into trouble not asking and two of you is a bit much.' She noticed Monica and Phoebe. Oh, a love fest.'

No,' Monica said severely. We want to talk to you.'

What are you up to, Chloe?' Chandler demanded.

That's for me to know and you to find out,' she giggled and slid over to one side of the chair. Joey pushed her back upright. Tell us,' Joey demanded.

You can't make me,' Chloe sang, and hiccupped. Why are you hanging around?' Chandler asked. Don't tell me you're here to offer your best wishes.'

Best wishes for two little fishes, fishy wishy,' Chloe giggled. I'm a very fishy person.'

Be sensible,' Monica snapped.

Sensible sensible sensibubble,' Chloe burbled.

You are not as drunk as you pretend,' Monica said.

I'm as drunk as a glass of water,' she said, Ah Cutie! Cuddle me!' Chloe threw her arms around Joey who was standing close. He struggled to disentangle himself.

You're not going to spoil the wedding,' Monica said.

Spoil? What are you talking about goil? I came all the way from Cleveland to see this. I've had so much fun.'

Why was Bonnie here?' Monica demanded.

She came to see to, see?' Chloe said. Monica and Chandler looked at each other, suddenly realising that there was no reason for them to know each other — but if they were all involved, they would have gotten to know each other very well. Oh dear, I'm thirsty. I need another drink.' She waved a non existent glass around.

You've had enough,' Chandler said.

Oh just a little one please? Teeny weeny.'

Who organised this?' Chandler demanded

I thought you did,' Chloe said. It's not a very — hic — happening party.'

I meant you,' he added severely.

Can't say,' Chloe said, suddenly looking secretive. The Captain wouldn't like it — whoops.'

Captain? Who's he?' Chloe giggled.

I can't say, I'll be in trouble. Double trouble, triple trouble.'

Who is it?'

No no, naughty Chloe, mustn't say,' she said, looking mischievous.

Good Chloe,' Joey said desperately, She will say.' Chloe gave him a sly look.

Ooh you're trying to trick poor Chloe, I can see that. Who says I'm drunk?' She stood up suddenly before anyone had a chance to stop her. No-one was able to stop her keeling right over. Monica tried to help her up but Chloe gave her no assistance, having passed out.

She's hit her head. She's unconscious.' Chandler swore.

We'll never get any sense out of her now.'

We weren't getting any sense before,' Monica said severely.

Who's this Captain? We don't know anyone in the Navy do we?' They tried to run over everyone. Or the Army — Captain is an army rank too.'

Is it an airforce one?' Monica asked.

Yeah, but we don't know anyone in the airforce.'

Commercial pilot?'

Oh this is ridiculous. Even if we knew who it was, we don't know what he's up to or how to stop it.'

Ross and Rachel are on their guard.'

Monica went in search of Rachel who was just about to get changed. She walked with her to the bedroom and helped her get out of her wedding dress. As she packed it, Monica said,

Chloe was serving drinks.'

What?' Rachel felt sick. Had she put anything in them. She might have poisoned us.'

Probably not. You had your drinks from the main table and the wine there was uncorked in front of you.'

And put in an ice bucket behind us. She could have added something.'

Do you feel alright?' Monica asked. Rachel closed her eyes for a minute.

I just feel so worried. I'll be glad when we get away. I just can't understand how they keep turning up all the time.'

Neither do I Rach,' Monica said. But they haven't actually done anything.'

As far as we know,' Rachel said. It almost feels like some kind of plot.' Monica twisted her hands. Rachel noticed. We talked to Chloe. She didn't make a lot of sense because she was really really drunk but she was babbling something about a captain.'

A captain?' Rachel frowned.

Do you know what she's talking about?'

I'm not sure Chloe did either.' Rachel shrugged. I think you know, whatever they were trying to do, they must have failed.'

How do you make that out?'

Well for one thing, you got married. For another, Chloe was so drunk she was useless. If she was trying to do something she'd have stayed sober. The only reason she'd have gotten drunk was because she'd given up or failed what she was trying to do.' Rachel felt brighter.

Well that must be it,' Rachel said, kissing Monica. I'm glad you're my sister in law as well as my best friend.'

Same,' Monica said.


	12. Janice

****

Janice

Finally, Ross and Rachel were getting ready to leave on their honeymoon.

Have a wonderful honeymoon,' Monica said.

Have a great time,' Phoebe said, tears in her eyes.

They will,' Mike said, squeezing her waist.

Have a great time Dad, Rachel,' Ben said, accepting a hug from Ross. They hadn't worked out whether Ben would call Rachel anything different now that she was officially a stepmother. Joey held Emma up to be kissed and kissed again by her parents.

We'll be back soon sweetie,' Rachel said. It cost her a little pang to leave Emma behind but the honeymoon would be short and she loved being with Monica.

Maybe three will come back,' Chandler joked. After having dealt with Chloe, he had relaxed with more champagne. Monica digged him in the ribs, which did nothing to dent his grin.

What?' Joey asked. Ross and Rachel looked at each other. Well maybe

Everyone else pressed in on them to say their last goodbyes and it was nearly half an hour before they got into the hired car.

Well that does it, Mrs Geller,' Ross said, kissing Rachel. Safe at last.

Mmm,' she said, So what do you think about bringing back a third person?'

I have no complaints if you don't.'

None at all, Mr Geller,' Rachel said happily.

Nothing and no-one can stop us,' Ross said, We're safely married.'

Yes, and nothing can happen now because it's too late.'

It was just so weird though. I'm glad no-one messed things up, but if they had, there was nothing to stop us getting married another day. It's not as though we needed all this fuss just to get married. You just need a celebrant and two witnesses.'

'That's true. All that matters is being with you.'

Suddenly when they were stopped at the lights, the driver left the car. Ross and Rachel broke off from their kiss.

What?' Ross asked. Someone else got in the front. Who the hell are you?' That remark could have applied to the person who got in the front passenger seat at the same time. Before Ross and Rachel could think or act further, the driver floored it and they tore through a red light, making Rachel scream and Ross glad he'd visited the toilet just before they got in the car.

The person in the front seat turned back to face them and pulled a mask off. It was Janice.

Janice, what are you doing here?' Ross exclaimed.

I've come to wish you all the best Ross, and Rachel,' she said. May it last forever and ever and ever.' The car swerved and Janice said, Oh my Gawd, this isn't the Grand prix. How am I supposed to do it if you're driving like that, Frankie?'

Relax,' said the deep mysterious voice of the driver. Janice turned back to Ross and Rachel, who were wondering what "do it" meant, and smiled a smile they didn't like.

'Stop the car!' Ross exclaimed, but they were going too fast and the doors were locked anyway

'You'll never get away with it,' Rachel trembled. Janice was leaning over the front seat towards them and suddenly her hand darted out. Ow!' Rachel screamed as a needle jabbed her arm. Ross moved to hit Janice but at the same time, the driver, who had just stopped the car jabbed him with a needle as well.

Ow!' He snatched his arm back. That hurt.'

Whinge whinge, complain complain,' mocked Janice, Thank God I won't have to listen to this much longer.' Rachel was sitting back, horrified but she suddenly felt very weak.

Why are you doing this?' she asked, but it was coming out as a whisper. Was she dying? She tried to grab Ross's hand but she couldn't move her arm. Janice laughed and she couldn't even shudder at the sound.

Oh quite a lot of us are sick of you,' Janice said. We're just doing something about it at last.' Rachel wasn't quite sure she understood but she heard the laugh and shuddered. She could feel her consciousness slipping. She didn't even know where Ross was any more. She was being carried somewhere

AN: No, they're not going to die


	13. Emily

**Emily**

They woke to the sound of a familiar voice saying,

'Come on, wake up, I haven't got all day you know.' They forced their eyes open and stared. Emily was standing in front of them wearing commando type pants and boots, a tiny black T shirt and a jauntily perched beret bearing an insignia they didn't recognise.

'You!' Ross exclaimed. 'You're behind all this?'

'Not exactly, although I have been in charge of the procedural side of things,' she said. Ross and Rachel struggled to sit up. They were still feeling very drugged. They could hear the sounds of waves lapping against the shore. Had they made it to their honeymoon destination after all? The hut they were in did not look like standard resort accommodation though. Sunlight was coming in through the many gaps in the walls.

'What's going on?' Rachel asked. 'You know we're married don't you? There's nothing you can do about it now,' she added bravely although she was a little scared. Emily's face was so unyielding. She didn't seem to be carrying a gun or any other type of weapon, but maybe that was because she felt so in control that she didn't need to.

'Of course I know you're married. That was the point,' Emily said, as though Rachel was stupid.

'What?' Ross asked, confused.

'This time you are going to stay married,' Emily added. Had the drug done something strange to their heads? This wasn't making any sense.

'Emily, this was arranged this to make sure that we were going to stay married?' Ross asked, mad as the question sounded.

'Yes.'

'Just who is behind all this?' Emily ticked them off on her fingers, left hand and then right hand.

'Julie, Tag, Paolo, Gavin, Danny, Mona, Mark, Bonnie, Janice, me of course,' she'd reached ten and was about to start over on the left hand, when Ross interrupted,

'Carol?'

'No, Susan.'

'Susan?'

'She has her reasons which will become clear.'

'I'm glad something will,' Ross said.

'Nearly all of these people are our exes, but Mark was never my ex,' Rachel said emphatically.

'Neither was Gunther, despite what he told me at that pretend party you threw for me,' Emily said.

'Gunther's involved?'

'Lots of people are involved,' Emily said. 'Perhaps it would be easier if I just said why.'

'Please,' Ross said. She was going to pay for whatever it was she had done to them, but he realised that he needed to know exactly what it was and they both needed a chance to get their strength back. He could move his legs, but at the moment, the movement was weak and he knew he wouldn't be able to stand up.

'First of all, you are on an island. I wouldn't say a desert island. It does rain here, quite a lot sometimes which can be rather a nuisance, and there are other people here, although I'm afraid they don't speak any English.' Rachel's heart pounded. This was the desert island Mona had talked about. Emily smiled. 'You could call it deserted.'

'Where is this and how did we get here?' Ross asked.

'Where? I'm not telling you that. No-one apart from a very select group of people even know this island exists. This is a rather special area, which doesn't appear on any maps and gets edited out of satellite pictures. It isn't the only place in the world like that. There's a lot more international co-operation than the ordinary person ever knows about,' Emily said, making it clear what kind of person she thought she was.

'And you're part of that select group of people?' Rachel asked. Emily nodded.

'Yes. I got recruited about five years ago.'

'Recruited to what? MI7? MU5?' Ross asked.

'I'd forgotten how insular you Americans are,' Emily sighed. 'It doesn't matter what I was recruited to because the organisation doesn't officially exist.'

'But how did you arrange this?' Rachel asked.

'I've done some good work recently and I was owed a few favours, so I arranged to bring you here.'

'But why?' Rachel asked.

'We think that the pair of you had done a lot of damage to the innocent people who had the misfortune to date you while you were trying to work out whether you wanted to be together or not. In fact while you were apart, you were really both quite a menace. The flow on effect from you two was disastrous – financial, relationship hangup, you name it. Unfortunately although you got married once, you got divorced again, and created more problems for other people. Your baby didn't seem to make much difference to your behaviour, more's the pity. There really must be something wrong with you.' Emily shook her head in disgust. 'A little girl needs a father and I really think you might have been a bit more responsible.'

'What?' Ross exclaimed, outraged, but since he was unable to follow through with any meaningful action, this fell flat and Emily continued as though he hadn't spoken,

'We decided that once you got back together, you would bloody well have to stay together and leave other people alone.'

'So that's why Julie was there, and Janice and…' Rachel said.

'Hold on,' Ross said, 'What's this got to do with Janice?'

'I don't know everyone's reasons for being involved, but a lot of your exes have become friends with each other, so some people are in it more for loyalty rather than for themselves,' Emily said. 'Janice is quite good friends with Mona you know.' They hadn't known – Janice was someone they had avoided where possible. How on earth had she come to know Mona? How on earth had they all managed to hook up like this?

'All these people conspired to do this?' Rachel asked.

'Yes. At first it was just talk, but Joshua -'

'Joshua?' Rachel interjected.

'He sympathises with our aims but he chose not to be involved. He's happily married again - to someone he proposed to and not the other way around. I had a most interesting conversation with him,' Emily said with a special glance at Rachel who blushed. 'He was one of the early members of the group, and he ran into me when he was visiting London and got me to join. Until then the discussions had been theoretical - there were some vague, impractical plans involving concrete shoes and other unsubtle stuff. Once I arrived, the discussions became more practical. Through me, we could plan.'

'But it wasn't just you?'

'I'm the only one who knows the extent of the operations, but some of the others had a role to play.'

'Including Chloe?' Ross asked in amazement. He hadn't seen her performance but he'd heard all about it in a hurried conversation with Chandler. His last conversation with him.

'Ha, no, she didn't have an actual role - she can just about be trusted to remember her own name. She thinks all of this is terribly romantic, but you know Chloe.'

'Romantic?' Rachel asked in amazement. 'We're stuck together on this, this desert island.'

'Quite.'

'But I don't understand what you're doing this for,' Ross said, 'It seems that you didn't intend to stop us getting married, and that in fact you wanted us to get married and to stay together. Of course we're going to stay together.' She was mad – they were all insane.

'We're not going to split up now that we've found each other,' Rachel said, emphatically.

'Until you have another series of rows and go on a break,' Emily mocked. Rachel shuddered.

'We'll never have a break again,' Rachel said fervently.

'Never!' said Ross.

'We don't trust you, so we decided that we needed to take extra steps to make sure you stayed together, forever,' Emily said coldly. Suddenly an awful thought occurred to both of them.

'You're going to kill us!' Rachel exclaimed, suddenly jumping up. She fell down again as her still weak legs buckled.


	14. Ross and Rachel

**Ross and Rachel**

Emily rolled her eyes.

'Of course not. I'm not a killer.' Well Ross thought, when people wear army gear, you couldn't be blamed for thinking that they had been trained to kill people and possibly even had a bit of practice at it. And furthermore, when they talked nonsense like this, they could do anything.

'Then what are you talking about?' Rachel asked, still not sure of the situation.

'It's quite simple. You'll never leave this island. You will be spending the rest of your lives here together.' Ross and Rachel stared at each other and then at Emily. 'Of course there's nothing to stop you splitting up, but you won't have anyone else to turn to. I really don't think the locals are an option, you wait till you see them. They've been affected by some rather nasty experiments from thirty years ago, so they don't look like other people. So you'll have to make up your minds to be happy together because there will be no-one else.' Ross had finally managed to struggle up and balance on his legs.

'We'll escape.'

'You don't even know what ocean you are in, and if you study the currents around this island, you'll find it would be impossible to get off.' Emily walked outside. Ross helped Rachel up and slowly followed her. Their legs were unsteady and they felt as though every moment they might fall over. Behind them were tall, unfriendly looking trees and the dingy hut they had just left. Ahead of them was a narrow strip of beach with nothing but ocean…

'There's land there,' Rachel said.

'An uninhabited island, with no fresh water and no shelter,' Emily said. 'Even if you got a boat made, and even if you got past the currents you would be shot as soon as you get more than twenty miles away.'

'You're mad,' Ross said in horror. 'You arranged that for us?'

'Oh it's not me who's arranged that,' Emily said. 'They are very serious about keeping people away from this area. Don't expect me to tell you why, because then I really will have to kill you.' She gave a smile, which was not returned. 'Any boat coming within sight of the island would be sunk, no questions asked. They wouldn't care that you were leaving – in fact that would make them even less likely to ask questions.'

'We're American citizens,' Ross said, 'You can't do this to us.' Emily merely smiled, and suddenly he wondered who 'They' really were.

'How did we get here at all?'

'Special delivery.'

'But we'll starve,' Rachel said, horrified.

'You can grow things,' Emily said. The look of horror was still there.

'What?'

'You know, put seeds in the ground, water, harvest? We'll do drops once every two months as well. We have to do them anyway in this general area so a detour for you is no problem. We've left you a food package to start with. It's got Chinese food in it. Mona wanted you to have that Rachel, I don't know why.' Rachel stared. 'There's not a bad little house up the path.' They looked back, and in what looked like a tangled undergrowth, there was in fact a path. As they walked around, they got a view right up the path towards a very rudimentary house.

'That's it? You expect us to live there.' Rachel stared. It was primitive.

'Sleep on the beach if you want. The house is from when this island was being studied and it's still in reasonable condition and you could fix up whatever needs to be repaired. There's a pump with fresh water. There's a list on the table of things you need to know about the island – what's poisonous, what can give you a nasty rash, that sort of thing. I'd read it carefully if I were you.'

'Emma?' Rachel asked.

'Ben?' Ross asked.

'Our families?' Rachel asked.

'Our friends?' Ross asked.

'No,' Emily said. 'If either of them came, they'd have to stay here too. Forever I mean, and this is no place for a child. I certainly wouldn't want my son to be here.' Ross and Rachel blinked. They had never considered that Emily might have had a life away from them and this news was as unreal to them as the news that she was in some kind of secret service organisation. 'Your children certainly don't deserve to be punished for your behaviour. So everyone thinks you've had a tragic accident. They'll be sad, they'll miss you, but they'll move on with their lives. Carol and Susan will take care of them – they've always wanted a little girl' Ross took a sharp breath in at this, 'and Emma should grow up with Ben. I'll be back in five days with some contraception for you, and I suggest you use a bit of restraint in the meantime, which could be an interesting new experience for you both.' Sex was the last thing on their minds at this point.

'You – you'll leave us!'

'Oh yes. I'll be bringing your photo albums too,' Emily said, 'Of your children. Better than nothing. Worth waiting for.' They had heard the sound of a helicopter for a while now, but given what Emily had been saying, they hadn't held out much hope. Perhaps they could rush at it if it landed… a rope dropped down and Emily grabbed it. 'See you in six days.'

Ross and Rachel stood on the beach, watching, as the last sight and sound of the helicopter disappeared.

Eight days later

Emily looked up as Susan joined her at the restaurant.

'Are you sure you're all right?' Emily asked.

'I'm only pregnant, I'm not ill,' Susan said.

'When I was first pregnant, I was tired all the time,' Emily said. It was a bit of a liability in her job, and to tell the truth, there was a nagging sensation that it was happening again. She'd have to see. Maybe it was just stress – after all she'd just planned and carried out a major operation, solo. The assistance of the co-conspirators was in fact of little significance to the overall plan – they hadn't been needed, but they'd enjoyed it so much, and the whole thing had cast a pall over the wedding that to Emily's mind wasn't entirely without justice.

'I'd trade you that for being sick all the time,' Susan said dryly. Emily grinned back.

'No thanks. But are you feeling sick now?' Susan shook her head.

'I'm only sick for sixteen hours a day, and this doesn't appear to be one of those hours.' Emily looked mischievous.

'What did they say when you told them you were pregnant?'

'Ross said, "how?"'

'He would.'

'It just stopped him in his tracks. He'd been telling everyone the whole story of how they'd been kidnapped and trapped on a desert island – no-one believed it, except for Monica, who looked as though she might believe it. When Carol and I brought Ben to visit, Ross pointed at me, and said, "she wanted to steal Emma!" Carol just looked at him and said, "It's worse than I thought, he's raving mad. We're having a baby of our own Ross, Susan's pregnant." I said nothing, neither did Ben and Ross just sat there looking as though he'd had a fast one pulled on him.' Emily raised an eyebrow. 'After that, I don't even think Monica believed him,' Susan finished.

'It's just a totally cracked story made up by a couple who were found stoned out of their minds in their hotel room after a six day drug orgy,' Emily commented.

Such reports as the hotel gave were of a couple only ever seen at night, if at all, ordering room service to a darkened room. As a honeymooning couple, they hadn't been disturbed by the staff. A neighbour had complained of loud music on the sixth day, and staff had eventually opened up, to find Ross and Rachel hallucinating in a stuffy room with the detritus of six days of room service. The drugs wore off, but they had had an amnesiac effect which meant that they remembered nothing of Emily's return, the second drugging, nor the transport to the hotel under cover of darkness. They were clear on the rest of it, but their attempts to tell anyone just confirmed the impression that they were affected by drugs. The fact that Ross had noticed Southern Hemisphere stars in the sky when he was on the island had only added to the conviction that he was babbling.

'I wonder who would believe it,' Susan mused.

'National Enquirer, next to the UFO stories,' Emily said.

'There would be no pictures though,' Susan objected. 'They'd never publish a story without pictures.'

'Do you think the UFO pictures in the Enquirer are real pictures?' Emily quipped.

'Rachel's got a terrible rash on her face and hands,' Susan said. 'She looks a sight.' Emily gave a shrug. That's what happened when you didn't read the instructions, especially instructions that warned against picking up any of the pretty pink jellyfish. It would clear up without scarring. 'And all our tracks are covered,' Susan said. Emily looked blank and Susan remembered that Emily had never, ever, said anything that incriminated herself. Somehow, she had made them understand what they had to do without saying so explicitly. And like Ross and Rachel, what they did know would hardly be credible.

'I don't think that Ross would want to keep talking about being kidnapped. It could damage his reputation,' Emily said.

'Yes,' Susan said. 'They could have got themselves seriously hurt though.' Well that was a risk she was prepared to take. If Rachel had found the pretty blue jellyfish before the pretty pink ones, it might have been a different story. A very inconvenient one. She had had a back up plan but it would have earned her a fail grade for sure. Because there had been a plan within a plan.

Suddenly her pager alarm went off. Because she wasn't on duty and because she was with Susan, she was prepared to ignore it, but Susan gave her a nod.

'Go on.' Emily glanced at it.

86

She blinked, taken aback. That was ten points higher than she'd hoped for, but she knew better than to send a query back. The number was what it was.

'Good news?' Susan asked. If Susan wasn't pregnant, and if she was sure about herself, she'd have ordered champagne, but instead she just smiled and raised her glass of water.

'Let's toast Ross and Rachel,' Emily said. 'Together forever.'


End file.
